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(ALL) How Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has made me look at life differently

I heard the Director Guy Ritchie say this one time about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and it stuck. “In BJJ your only currency is on the mat. No one cares how much money you make, how successful you are, its simply the currency that you reveal on the mat.”

To this day, BJJ is still the best thing I ever did for my own mental health. Here is a breakdown from a friend, of what he has learned through this process and how it has helped in so many other areas of his life.

 

7 things I learned on my road to a BJJ black belt

On December 21, I was promoted to a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Now that the dust has settled a bit and I’ve had some time to reflect, I wanted to share with you 7 things I learned about life from reaching this milestone.

Even if you’re not into martial arts, I want to encourage you to read this article anyway because the principles transcend every aspect of life.

7 things I learned on my road to a BJJ black belt

Earning my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) black belt is one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. But probably not for the reasons you think (more to come on this….).

Only 1% of people who start BJJ ever reach black belt. BJJ has such a low stick-rate because it’s so difficult. It’s unlike any other martial art in how physically and mentally challenging it is.

But the things I’ve learned along the way through this sport about life….these are the real diamonds, and why they matter for every man is what I want to share with you today.

And if you’re a woman reading this, consider these elements for your husband or sons.

1. Consistency Precedes Talent

Most people who start BJJ quit long before they see any real progress. The secret? Just show up. Everyday. And watch things transform. The willingness to keep showing up even when it’s inconvenient or unrewarding—is what separates the 1% from the rest.

In life, we often overestimate the importance of talent and underestimate the power of consistency. Whether it’s in your career, your marriage, or your fitness, just showing up is the cheat code for long-term success.

2. Discipline is the Gateway to Freedom

To get a black belt, you can’t train only when you feel like it. There are early mornings, late nights, injuries, and days when you’d rather do anything else. Discipline is about understanding that sacrifice is the price of freedom.

The same principle applies to life. Discipline with your health gives you the freedom of vitality. Discipline in your finances gives you freedom from stress. Discipline in your relationships creates deeper, more meaningful connections.

3. Your Ego is the Silent Saboteur

BJJ humbles everyone. You’ll get submitted by people smaller, younger, or less experienced than you. The mat doesn’t care about your pride. The mat doesn’t lie. The mat always tells the truth. Learning to embrace humility is one of the greatest gifts of the journey.

In BJJ, you will lose—a lot. You’ll get submitted, injured, and mentally exhausted. But each time you get back on the mat, you become a little tougher, a little wiser, and your ego is a little less fragile.

As men, we often let ego drive our decisions, whether it’s refusing to ask for help or needing to win every argument. But true strength comes from humility—from admitting when you’re wrong, to asking for help, to knowing that you’re not always the top-dog.

4. Suffering is Necessary for Maturity

Every stripe, every belt promotion in BJJ comes at a cost. I have felt like a beginner over and over again. I’ve been sore, frustrated, and on the verge of quitting more times than I can count.

In our modern age, we’ve been conditioned to avoid suffering at all costs. We chase comfort, convenience, and instant gratification. At the slightest sign of discomfort, most men turn the other way.

Yet this avoidance of healthy suffering is why so many men suffer in truly grave ways. True maturity requires voluntarily stepping into discomfort. BJJ is a practice in voluntary suffering—a sanctification process that will show you parts of yourself that need refinement that you cannot see until you’re in the suffering

In life, if you’re too comfortable, you’re not growing and maturing. Lean into the discomfort. Learn to love the suffering. It’s the very thing needed to chisel off those ugly parts of you.

5. Meaningful Success is Always a Long-Game

In BJJ there are no shortcuts, and you’ll experience plateaus where progress seems nonexistent. There are no quick 3-step superficial solutions. There is only hour after hour on the mat, grinding, building muscle memory.

This is true for anything meaningful in life. In our modern era where every man is looking for a shortcut, only to find himself back at square one, there is timeless wisdom in embracing the long-game.

We live in an era of toxic thinking promoted by toxic people that if it’s taking too long, it must not be working. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Whether you’re building a business, trying to improve your marriage, or working toward ambitious goals, the journey will be long and hard. Learn to fall in love with the process, not just the result.

6. The Right Community is Everything

No one earns a black belt alone.

One of the most beautiful aspects of BJJ is the brotherhood (and sisterhood) on the mat. The people you train with become your extended family. They push you just to the edge of your abilities, and slightly beyond. They encourage you when you’re feeling defeated, and they ask you where you’ve been if you don’t show up.

One minute we’re trying to kill each other, and the next minute we’re sharing laughs about life. This strange dichotomy is what makes BJJ special and the whole thing wouldn’t exist without the community.

As men, we often try to go through life alone, like a badge of honor hunkering down in isolation. But surrounding yourself with a community—men who challenge you, support you, and inspire you—is critical for manhood.

7. Mentorship is Indispensable for Being the Best

Along my journey to black belt, I had incredible teachers and mentors who guided me, challenged me, taught me, and believed in me when I doubted myself. They pushed me past my limits and taught me lessons I couldn’t have learned on my own.

I wouldn’t have gotten here without them.

They taught me battle-tested secrets. They showed me wisdom I could have never uncovered on my own.

These teachers fast-tracked my success.

As men, we often think we need to figure everything out by ourselves. But something so much better happens when we allow others to guide us. Whether it’s in BJJ, business, or life, mentorship accelerates your progress and to not access it is only to your own detriment. If you want to be the best in anything, find a coach, listen to their wisdom, and let them help you rise to your potential.

 

(Soldiers) In Waves and War movie

Highly decorated Navy SEAL Marcus Capone returns from Afghanistan and attempts to readjust to civilian life. But years of unprecedented warfare have left Marcus with treatment-defiant PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and severe depression beyond what current government treatment options can effectively address. Fearing for Marcus’ life, his wife, Amber, finds hope in a groundbreaking therapy combining two powerful psychedelics unapproved for use in the U.S., but with seemingly limitless applications.



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(All) Brotherhood

The two pictures above represent two stages of my life. The first, when I was around 7/8, I would meet a kid named Luke Misemer on my under 8 soccer team who would go on to have an incredible impact on my life. The second picture is a great group of friends (Luke second from left), who would represent such blessings in my life through a lifetime of challenges, with some success sprinkled in. In all, true brotherhood. 

We recently lost Luke to Stage 4 lung cancer. 47 years young. When he told me the news of his cancer, to say I was devastated would be a complete understatement. He was my best friend for 40 years. 40 years of true friendship, 40 years of some conflict, 40 years of unbelievably good times, and 40 years of not knowing that 40 years was ultimately not long enough. 

I was recently speaking with my therapist through my tears when he asked what I thought was essentially the reason he ultimately meant so much to me. I would’ve thought that the answer was pretty obvious, but ultimately what I recognized was that Luke was not only the best friend I have ever had, he was the brother I never had. You see, I am an only child…..at times the world can revolve around me. I never had siblings to be connected to, share things with, fight with, engage with, and in the end be part of “our” family circle. I had me, and I had my mom. 

Through growing up, I had Luke, I had his parents (who also played a tremendous role in my life), I had his grandparents who treated me like another one “of the boys.” I had stability in their love for me, to go along with my own mother. 

I’ve gone through loss. Losing my grandmother was the most difficult thing I had gone through. Losing my stepdad’s parents in the last few years followed that….but, losing my best friend at such an early age is completely earth shattering. It was not supposed to be this way. He was supposed to be my best friend until our old age, alas, it will not be such. I will spend the rest of my life talking about my best friend Luke as if he is still here. I will even continue to talk with him, knowing he will not be able to communicate back to me. I’m not crazy, I just miss the guy more than I will ever be able to talk about. 

I battle with fear a good bit at the thought of losing those that are closest to me. Heck, at times I have even created distance in those relationships because of my fear of getting so close and having to feel the pain of losing them. I am in the midst of the whole grief cycle, with one big missing piece, I’m not angry, I’m just really sad. He loved me, never rejected me, and was always there in ways that I will never be able to communicate. 

My wife has never seen this side of me, so broken. I’ve never loved her as much as she has been a tremendous source of strength. She reminded me recently how truly lucky/blessed I am to have had Luke (along with the other guys in this picture) and she is so correct. I am blessed beyond measure. The bible has so many verses on brotherhood. I like Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 which says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” It speaks to me. It reminds me of Luke and how he was loyal, never holding my faults against me. We should all be so lucky. 

I’ve told Luke I love him more in the past two months than ever before in our 40 years. I feel guilty about some things, more specifically that I did not tell him more. He was a great dude. Luke made others feel like they were his best friend also, one of the things I love about him. Talking to people that knew him, that I did not know, is awesome. He impacted so many people in positive ways, never truly holding their peccadillos against them, but just seeing them for the good people that they are. 

I hope you have a Luke in your life, and if you don’t presently, I hope you do one day. I am hurting, hurting bad, but I am so glad I knew him. Ill love you forever, brother.

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